Fake it easy, just to please me

Together doesn't feel right at all; together we've built a wall

2011-12-07T02:26:00.002+08:00

I just dont understand why i have to do the things you want me to do. I hate you when you give me all the manipulative sentences. I hate it when you give the "you dont know a fuck" kind of face. I hate it when you give this stupid mood when im around and when i leave, you're fine.

Just like i hate it right now that you wrote on my wall. I hate it that you think that i seriously dont give a fuck for anything in the world. I hate it that you dont understand anything im saying just because i dont elaborate it as detailed as you would grasp it. I hate it when you say one thing and then say another at the same time.

I hate it that now my mum doesnt want to talk to me because of this.

My life is SO complete. And i expected everything to fall into place after this giant turmoil.

Why cant you just listen to me?

I guess

2011-12-07T01:17:00.000+08:00

I will be free this weekend then...................

What is your best friend's name from your childhood?

2011-11-23T02:39:00.002+08:00

IM SO FUCKING ANNOYED!!!!!

MY UNINTENDED-@HOTMAIL.COM IS BLOCKED?!?!?!

WHAT THE FUCK FOR MAN??????????????

NOT LIKE IM SOME FAMOUS CELEBRITY OR THAT I SENT CHAIN MAIL OR SPAM?! FRICKIN IRRITATED BCOS I HAVE FILL UP TONS OF FORMS AND ALL TO GET MY STUPID E-MAIL THAT I SELDOM USE TO BE VERIFIED! AND THE BEST PART???? I CANT USE MY SIIAODINGGS@HOTMAIL.COM TO VERIFY IT BCOS THEY KEEP SAYING THAT MY EMAIL IS BLOCKED AND I CANT LOGIN! WHAT SHIT IS THIS??? NONSENSE!!!! SO I CREATED A NEW EMAIL. HAHAHAHAHAHAH ZSXOMG@GMAIL.COM

BLOODY HELL.

37 more days

2011-10-02T18:59:00.000+08:00

And guess what, the great one printed the wrong chemistry paper 1 to do. UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I WANT TO BE A DENTIST!!!!!!!!!! I WANT TO BE A DENTIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Its been a while...

2011-09-22T23:36:00.002+08:00

47 days to A levels. Last sprint. Let's go..

I changed my priorities. As the A levels die down after the 3rd of December, what remains are the friendships that were forged during those horrendous days.

Friends help me through the day when your results dont quite match up to our expectations and effort put in. Thank you Sock & Joel for giving me the strength to pull through! For the sweets and the songs... Thank you Yu Xian for treating me as a friend even though you aren't talking to me anymore. Thank you Joyce for always putting a smile on my face every time i see her. Thank you teachers - Mrs Lim, Mdm Teo, Ms Leow for not giving up on me despite my bad attendance reflecting my bad attitude. Thank you Jian Zheng for tolerating my nonsense and acting as a benchmark. Thank you CC for supporting me in all ways possible. Thank you mum for allowing me to study as you take care of the kids. Thank you Des, Gw, Ron, Mauren & Kelly for being understanding when i couldnt hang out all the times you guys asked me to.

Gratitude. I will be grateful. I am. But I dont show my appreciation. But I really am touched and nonetheless extremely grateful.

Today

2011-04-22T01:06:00.002+08:00

I havent started studying... Mid years in what, 5 weeks? A levels in what? About a few 200 days down from now. Been busy with Joyce's brithday & my grandma's birthday and other stuff.

Sigh, Good Friday. Supposed to be studying. Yet, my day has been planned to be otherwise. Maybe i'll try no matter how futile it will be.

*Self-psycho* When people say you are mug, it doesnt matter. Who cares about what others say about you.. They're just joking. Stop taking it to heart & end up not studying because you're so affected. And, you don't need your teachers as much as your motivation. Even if you have the best teacher in that subject and you can't be bothered, you can't succeed. So stop blaming others. *self-psycho ends here*

Today seems better than yesterday:) Thanks Wee.

When?

2011-04-20T22:31:00.003+08:00

Laughing for no dumb reason at all. Always. With you. Complementing each other's crazy and weird sense of humour.

I'm weird-.- hope no one really reads all of this and starts bitching about my posts & i. Bloody hell.

http://www.latest-mistake.blogspot.com/

2011-04-20T22:28:00.000+08:00

Today I turn 18. And though so many people wished you, you'd always look forward to a few certain people you care more about and hope they would not forget. No one forgot. No one except you.

Mistakes:

2011-04-20T22:09:00.003+08:00

1) Taking people for granted

Don't know how to change this........ You told me about this before. Or rather you told other people about me of this & now i'm feeling what you mean..but i don't understand how to change

2) Forever feeling discontent

"why like this? why like that?" "walao, why you so dumb???"

Increase in patience = take more time to understand others = mutual understanding = contented

3) Forgetfulness

I think everything adds up to me taking people for granted....................... and i honestly don't know how to change. Shit............. I want to stop feeling shitty everyday...

Bring me to the future, dust my past away

2011-04-20T21:57:00.002+08:00

The idiot here was listening to the maths lecture last night when there came a sudden flashback about you. This isn't the first time it has happened. Surprisingly, there is an apparent increase in the number of these flashbacks.

I don't know why i keep going back to thoughts of you.. When i cut my hair, i thought about the time when i said "eh! we compete k! see who can tahan longer don't cut hair, see who win!" I'd lose a million times over just to get you back into my life.

Can someone just pluck up some courage and tell me to my face what my problem is? Why is it that i can keep close friends for only a short while? That some people only call me just to get some advantage out of it? That i seem like a total loser in school nowadays? I feel like a complete loser honestly. Fuck, i don't think its my self esteem. I think people think i'm weird or something. Maybe im just muddafucking boring.

Or maybe.....

Ok i just realised what my problem is.

Bye:)

FLY FLY AWAY!

2011-04-18T19:40:00.001+08:00

Can't wait for us to leave this place:)

Unworthy

2011-04-18T19:25:00.005+08:00

Why is it that people can make me smile so easily, but its my turn to cheer them up, i fall flat on my face?

Especially when they're my loved ones.

Sometimes, ironically, i'm the one who make them sad. I'm so glad they're in my life, but they don't deserve to be with a lousy person.

I guess they do know that now apparently.

One moment you're happy as can be and then, suddenly it seems like the world crashed onto you... Maybe i'm just not worthy.........

Way wo way yo

2011-04-14T21:08:00.002+08:00

When you have someone to tell everything to, you dont blog aaaaaanymore much ;D

Anyway, we got a Gold!!! Which is kinda like a sweet-sour feeling. The one Genevieve described about her tennis match. The sour feeling that you lost(after all the bloody hardwork you had put in) but the sweet feeling you get when you earn something more than a medal. The discipline, friendship and other irrelevant stuff. Heheheh.

I still miss you:) Will pick up the courage to speak to you soon!

Tomorrow

2011-03-30T23:32:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow's the big day

I still remember the first time we played for BSS's SYF. To Challenge The Sky & Heavens Above. Woah. That song i rehearsed time & time again. Even cried once because i just couldnt count properly no matter how hard i tried. We tried for a gold. But well, i didnt feel much for that one.

The second one was worse. We felt a sense of RELIEF when we got a silver. Ha, what a way to end our year.

Dont get me wrong, i really loved band practices cos they meant crapping/feet dancing with Raymond, toilet breaks with Gary, mac with Kelly afterband, going late with Tricia & Joycelyn... Those were the days i dont really miss but would think back and go..."were we really that bored?" But great times they were:)

I went for Joyce's guitar concert on the 22nd of this month & couldnt help but think back to my sec2 year when we had our concert. It was awesum helluva fun with you.

Anyway, enough sidetrack, tomorrow's SYF. And this is the most motivated judging i'd ever have!! (it'll be the final one) I've never felt that i could actually channel so much effort into something and make it mean so much to me.......... Thank you SRDanceteam for this opportunity:) Thank you Fiona for being here with me.

I wish all of us the freaking best and hope to come back to blogger.com excited to post some awesum shit later. Hiack!!!!! GOLD WITH HONOURS, HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Go away

2011-03-28T01:31:00.000+08:00

Dont believe the words you hear in your head when you're up and lying in your bed.

I miss you

2011-03-27T01:29:00.002+08:00

I've dreamt of you time & time again. Not because i was free, not because i was sad and alone. I dont believe we cant work this out.

Well, then again, since you're so bent on this....

I feel how YuXian feels.

Best week of the year............yet ;D

2011-02-26T18:41:00.005+08:00

Monday after school was Seoul Garden with those netballers! Sin Ee, Chloe, Hannah, Brenda & wonderful Mauren. Kickstarted my week really well! All the small talks and all! :DDD Laughed & laughed! Yesssssssssss my favourite sport:)

Dance on Wednesday! :D There was this guy who walked behind me and said "Vanessa!" quite loudly! I didnt really recognise him but still said hi like some idiot(as always, you would say). SO i spent the next 3 minutes in the toilet(while changing into my leotard) thinking how on earth did i get to know him. AND OHMYGOD, IT WAS YIJIE!!!!! THE GUY I GOT TO KNOW IN CAFE CARTEL!!!!!! HE DOESNT HAVE FB NOR DID I HAVE HIS HP NUMBER AND NEITHER DID I COME ONLINE FOR ALMOST THE WHOLE OF MY LIFE AFTER OLEVELS! AND HE JUST POPPED OUT OF NO WHERE!!!! OMG RIGHT!!!!!!! That's like remaining contactless for 1.5years!!!!!!!!!!! And still managing to meet each other in such a scenario! If he didnt call my name, i wouldnt even have known that he was running around in my school!

On Thursday, Ms Leow told me she was proud of me for coming to school for 4 consecutive days without being late! She told if i went to school the next day, she would give me a present! HAHAHA!

Friday was the best day of the week! Laughed like some freako tiko with Joyce, Jansen, Li Min & CHong CHieh! Oh my god~ I cant tell you how much i love them maxxxxx because of all of this! Thank God for Sarawak, really:) Then was making pancakes with Des for Shaun's birthday suprise! Sorry it was quite a failure:( But you know i love you!

Saturday (today) has been the most amazing day ever. I woke up at 9.30am to see JianZheng's text saying HwaChong was playing against SR for soccer! (It rained SO heavily on Wed that they couldnt play) SO I RUSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHED DOWN TO SR w/o thinking that it wud be awkward or anything since i dont really know many soccer guys or who would be there just so i could catch up with YiJie! Omg, i got out of my comfy bed eh on a Saturday morning. Believe it or not!!!!!!????? So i spent, the entire Saturday morning under absurd heat waiting for him to finish playing and catch up for an hour about most of our lives! Goshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Happiness! But the sad thing is, he says he doesnt think we would contact each other anytime soon due to the lack of time and the need to allocate our time in doing more useful stuff. Yeapsszsxszxs~~ Roarxszxsz!!

Nyehehehhe~ I hope my academics can match up to his and we'll see each other soon though! ;D Oh ya and i texted Hip too:)

You never cease to amaze me:)

I wish

2011-02-08T22:06:00.002+08:00

I were even as half as pretty as them.

I wish i had the strength to go to school.

Maybe i should stop wishing and live it up.

Bloody shit

2011-02-04T14:12:00.001+08:00

I hate facing people I abhor.

I hate staying in prescence of people i simply detest.

I just fucking hate you!

Grateful

2011-02-02T00:01:00.002+08:00

I understand how people commit suicide because of the stress they face for Alevels. I think those who have withstood those times are really honourable people and deserve the highest praise.

At this moment in time, i have already taken more self-claim holidays than i need. All i wanna do is relax. Take my mind off studying for a wee bit. I have even factored in "finishing homework" time for tomorrow. (But that's because i need to chill out on Thursday & Friday, arghhhh)

Anyway, i really learnt to be grateful for the friends that make you laugh. Throughout this month, i never really felt happier with my SRGCE mates. ^^V All i want to do after school is meet Joyce and talk & laugh at her retardedness hiack hiack! Or even play LAN with Gen Jan & CC! Or just simple dinner at this overpriced fan dian, LOL! I honestly cherish this a lot:) YAY!

Also, meeting Mauren today in the afternoon just made my cramps & headache & whatever physical shit i was suffering from like so much better. Just seeing her makes me happy. Last time when i could see her everyday, i didnt even attend school!!! I guess, to make my life worth it, i would go to school everyday just to see Joyce and maybe eat dinner with the retards lah roar.

Dancemates also make me kinda look forward to dance too. At least some motivation there:) Black leotard & wedgies all.

I'd really love to thank you for cheering me up yesterday. I dont know what i would have done. Anyway, my chem test still cui la..... So...... Heh.

Whatever the case is, i guess, im not such an easily happy kid afterall:(

Summary of the past few weeks

2011-01-24T22:09:00.005+08:00

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh,

homeworkhomeworkhomeworktesttesttestdancedancedancedancedancehomeworkhomeworktuitiontuitiontuition

There really comes a point in life that you

just

let

everything

else

go.

Raise your glass

2011-01-09T21:05:00.002+08:00

Me: "Why you so fat?"

Sis: "Cos I eat lots of things!" *cheeky smile*

Why are you so such a sweetheart & a heartbreak at the same time? Suddenly i feel like a total parent smarent. Pfft.

School starts tomorrow. Don't want to face those hypocrites. Wish all my bss kids can come & suffer with me. Ok, take my words back, MOST of my bss kids.

All the best Olevelies ;D

Natural fireworks

2011-01-01T15:01:00.005+08:00

Thunder and rain on the first of the year.

While I'm in the shelter, comfy room, hot chocolate & homework.

What could be better? :)

Yknw, im just gonna look forward to 2011. And i'll not expect anything from anyone just so i wont get pissed & frustrated. I'll go through 2011 with being grateful.

And im very grateful my family is not in destructive mode now:)

And im absolutely grateful that I have promoted & can take the A levels instead of looking at it with dread.

I'll do my best with everything i have.

I wont be the person who'll drag the dance team down. No. And Fiona, Reuben & I will learn & make great progress be it academically or in dance.

It'll be a wonderful year, with no expectations:)

2010 was a disaster because of the sky high expectations. Well, i've learnt. ;D

BE BACK SOON, STUPID!

It's still pouring.

P.s, if you guys have come here to look for answers of why my new year was the most disgusting ever? My terrapin that has been with me for at least 13 or 15 years is now swimming in the big longkang downstairs my house. It's all because my neighbour called the environment people to check our terrapin and the water it swims in the big bath tub.

So, my parents decided to set him free in the big longkang. If you guys dont know, he does have a name. Hahah, Chocolate.

I had 2 terrapins. MY pets.... I used to have hamsters, guinea pigs, rabbit. The rabbit ran away for somewhere and my mum decided to keep it. Then while i was out one day, some person took it away claiming it was theirs.

Hamsters had to be sold to a pet store(around 15) bcos i had asthma.

Awesome huh my fate with animals.

This is frustrating

2010-12-22T16:09:00.002+08:00

K im seriously too lazy to do anything proper nowadays! Its so bad its getting out of hand!! Went out for a buffet and came home to sleep!

Anyway, 4e1's bbq was a blast(EXCEPT THE FREAKING FACT THAT SY & KESH DIDNT GO! D:<) The food(stingray, prawns, patties) was great and the meeting up was crazy! :)

Stupid paikias went to ss and i headed back to bk with Shaun! Talked much and thought about the times we were on the phone at night when we were what, sec1? Heheheheh. Went to Kenny's house for a million rounds of Pictionary!! The twins(Barry & Darren) really have some psycho thing on between them(ooooooo, skehli)!!!

Caught Rapunzel on Tuesdaaaaaay with cc. :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD RAPUNZEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FREAKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If only she were human!!! OMG. Stupid guy was so amazed and astonished he caught a cartoon movie-.- SORRY LAH! DAMN CUUUUUUUTEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Been trying to do my work since last Monday. Hahahahah! Gonna finally try again! :)

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, what will you say what will you say?!

SARAWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAK!!

2010-12-07T18:23:00.004+08:00

I'm back from KuChing(meow meow), Sarawak! :D Had a helluva awesome time there! The hotel(Four Point by Sheraton) was better than i expected. And there were buffets for breakfasts and dinners while we were in the hotel at those times.

I had Joyce as my room mate and there were many interesting things i learnt about her(yes all the retarded shit!!)

We got onto the plane and got a free trip to SiBu! Lucky huh! And then got back to KuChing again! First night we had presentations in one of the meeting rooms there. Yeah yeah our presentations sucked shit in the beginning. BUT! We camwhored like mad in CC's mac muahahahahaha!

Next day was caving! Smart CC and I didnt buy torches because we thought we were smart to leech other people's lights-.- YA RIGHT LOR! Gua Sireh cave was not only full of history but full of darkness! When we were halfway through the cave, we were asked to switch off every torch. It was complete pitch dark! I learnt to take care of my eyesight! It was extremely muddy(quicksandish kind), cold and wet in certain parts. On our way back out of the cave(we u-turned) we got lost and were kind of stranded. It was left with Aloy, CC and I. Pfft! I learnt that instead of solely focusing on the issue itself, take a step back for a breather and think of other alternatives. I thought it was super fun to figure our own way out :D

We went to the river to swim and wash up after that! Never swam in a river before! The residents there brought a BBQ pit over and cooked for us! Catfishhhhhhhh woop woop!

Slept like pigs at night after a steamboat dinner! :)

Next day we had breakfast in the hotel. BUFFET! Had pancakes, chicken sausages, hashbrown. You'll soon come to realise every opportunity i had, i would have those things for breakfast. Teeheeeeeeee!

I'm actually very sleepy. I think i will continue this tomorrow or another day.

All i want to say is that, i really had an awesome time. Especially group3's super talk cock group Jansen, Gen, CC, Sab, LiMing, Joanna the bearded pig, Jo-En & Aloy. Thankssssssssssssssssssssssss.

I woke up feeling rather empty :/ And missed Sarawak so much!!!!!!!!

Total inside jokes:

Orh-ohhhh, omygod, weee wu weee wu, "what's that sound???", "are you ready to apologise????", jingle jingle jingle BELL, sea sex and bitches @ bako, puki mak!!!, diam lahhhhhhhh!, no~no~no~, nononononononno!, "i know who got prickly heat!", "what is your ideal guy?", "oh my gooooooooood"

I dont know la, but i swear all of this is all freaking hilarious shit! :) And not only had i learnt a lot throughout the trip, i made new talk cock friends, broke countless of barriers(wipes & poweder bath) and realise new boundaries to overcome. ESPECIALLY LANGUAGE BARRIERS. Oh god. Ma af, saya ta boleh chakap melayu.

I'll miss all the freaking times we had man seriously!!!!!!!!!!!

Yknow...i could go crazy one day.

2010-11-21T13:26:00.005+08:00

Dear friends, dont say fml.
Cos there will always someone's background worse off than you. Take the shit. Live your life.
Even if you dont mean 'fml' when you say it and you say it because you think its cool, think again. Dont say it anymore. Especially in front of me.

(I've been dreaming about you at night. Its close to a year now. I really miss you.)

Anyway,

I slipped on the way up a bus. Bruised my shins and thigh. Awesome..

I found something worth going to school for :D

I need someone to talk to. In specific, i need to talk to you. You're the only one who knows about all of this. Or should i tell someone new?

Fishyfishy

2010-11-19T23:23:00.002+08:00

Pisces girl is very shy, emotional and vulnerable. To protect her susceptibility, she often wears a cloak of wittiness, frigidity and independence. She is afraid of exposing her true self, lest people hurt her in the process. She is a true romantic and secretly yearns for a person who will love her, cuddle her, hug her and make her feel loved and protected. As a mother she may be too permissive and find it difficult to teach discipline.

Come back to Singapore, now!!! :(

2010-11-17T17:17:00.006+08:00

The highest part of my life seems like it has long passed. The memories create today will never replace those of yesterday.

I miss Kiaolee talktalk, swimming sessions, being her guinea pig for food, the little moments of bimbocity, the way she makes me laugh just by laughing and so much more its really hard for me to name. I really love the times we just say what we need to say and complain about the lives we lead!!!

I miss Wee, Des & Shaun random movie screenings & talk cock sessions @ my place or Des place or Shaun place! I miss calling Wee cos im on the verge of tears or because i feel sad for no good reason!

I miss everyday basketball with Fang & Shir! Maybe even the whole of kukuclub(doubt anyone would remember though)! Having been Fang since p2 till now. Bluff teacher we headache, stomachache, fever together just to get out of boring school. One thing i regret is not studying with her!!!! But its ok, we're still fine as it is!!

I miss getting phone calls from toothpaste. Asking if she could come over. Playing badminton, going to fleas, playing dress-up, make-up, spamming other people's cameras with our faces, tagging team with each other to suan other people, having the simplest mo qi.

I miss Mauren who would walk me all the way home and up and stalk peoples' blogs just to make me laugh. She's like a freaking sister to me and she's just freaking understanding. It's like we can dont meet for a long long long time and turn up together to crap about her friends and my friends. And im really grateful for never forgetting to call me along for dinner or just for a chat:)

I wouldnt say i want all these back. But i'd love to say that i never regretted the decisions made. I would love to thank them for all these simple yet memorable times we spent together. Be it through basketball, friendster, primary school, secondary school, sec 3 camp, you guys have made the greatest impact in my life.

Especially my family. My mum, in specific. Well, that will be written in my diary of course:)

My promotion to J2 has taken even more of what im already lacking in...fun. And time. But of course will give me more in return. Recognition. We'll do great. Just great.

I'll now make more memories with my new friends:) Greatest friends of my class: Joyce & Ian. I dont know what i'd do without them. With that said, i will attend school to see Joyce everyday^^ And i will forever keep my promise of keeping in touch with them despite being in a different class. I hope they realise this though. That they are the best classmates i can ever have:) That is for sure.

Thank you all for making my life my enjoyable. And no, im not going to die. I'm just thinking back:)

Ha! I'll go back to doing my research on crime & punishment.

Pig, please come back to Sg fast fast! :(

Schedule

2010-11-17T00:24:00.002+08:00

Wednesday> 3pm GP tuition. Ian & Joyce coming over for UP and dinner! :DDDD (EXCITED LIKE HELL)
Thursday> School until 5pm then HP7 with Mauren & friends! :D
Friday> School and dance audition!!! (EXCITED TO THE BRIM!)
Saturday> Vanitha's deepa celeb & YuXian's birthday celeb!
Sunday> GP tuitionnnnnnnnnnnnn
Monday to Friday> School, CCA & SRGCE until 5pm?
Saturday> Better pack bag
Sunday> PAINTBALL WITH THE PHYSICS GANG AND DINNER AFTER :DDDDDDDDDD! FREAKING HAPPY!
Monday(29th)> Fly to Sarawak!:)
Tuesday(7th Dec)> Back from Sarawak!:(

Things to do after i come back:
1) Create study plan
2) Study
3) Dye hair!!!!! Red :DDD
4) Seriously study
5) If manage to get through dance audition, then dance at home too :DDD

High hopes seriously. Need to make it to university!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GAMBATTE NE!!!

Everyone i hold close to my heart will make it to university! I just got a new study table at home!! We'll make it!

Believe!

Selfish

2010-11-17T00:19:00.001+08:00

I wish i didnt ask you to go sleep. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh sux 2 b3 moii

:D

2010-11-14T19:23:00.002+08:00

Hey guys. OP's tomorrow! Please let me know the words for me to answer for qna please tua peh kong!!! D:

It's a lovehate thing for OP. For one, you're so gonna love the free time you have after all this project work shit is over. Yet at the same time, you won't have the reason to spent time with these same people anymore no matter how much friction you had between each other.

There are certain people you don't talk to when you're not told to. Yes, you know. It'll be difficult to handle these lost causes.

Well, WHATEVER!!!!!! PW IS OVER HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHEHEE soon T_T

Crossroad

2010-11-09T04:39:00.007+08:00

So do i exercise diplomacy or do i let my real self go?

You know that you do not want enemies but there are friends that you can never keep and people you cannot satisfy.

At this point, do you know who are your real friends? Who will back you up without a doubt? Well, i do. And i do know those who will sell me out as well.

Do your real friends believe what they want to believe? Do your real friends use you as a tool? Do your real friends listen to rumors about you and not back you up?

Will you back your friend up even if he's in the wrong because he's your friend? Or will you turn your back against him and leave him in the lurch because he's in the wrong?

Do the people who say they know you, REALLY know you? Will the people who say they will never leave, stay forever?

There are so many questions, so little answers..

So, do i put on a mask or do i continue showing my true self?

What should i do.....really.....

(Shit, i really miss you like fuck. But like someone told me, "you live your life & i'll live mine")

It's raining. Today. Now.

2010-11-06T17:49:00.001+08:00

YAY GOOGLE CHROME (yeah yeah im slow)

I'm bored. I'm supposed to go gymming. And....i'm still at home. Wow. Smart me. Lazy like hell shit.

Satnding ovation please

2010-11-01T00:36:00.001+08:00

This is one of the rarest occasions in history.

Vanessa has finished her I&R & has studied chinese! Woohoo! All the best to me yay :D

How do I tell you that you're the one I want to fall in love with?

2010-10-31T14:46:00.002+08:00

Close the door, turn the key

Show me what I want to see

As we grow older, the strength of our mind falters.
You have so much energy to gossip behind everyone, but you dont have the courage to say it to their faces?
Don't grow old, people. Grow up.

Just because you're necessary doesn't mean you're important

2010-10-25T10:02:00.003+08:00

www.flickr.com/photos/watashi/171196698/

I still want to save the world.

One word at a time, one action at a time, one person at a time.

(Never had i known someone like you who knows the least but speaks the most)

1starCAPSIZETXRESCUE

2010-10-18T00:53:00.003+08:00

OFFICIALLY 1STAR CERTIFIED FOR KAYAKING! :DDDDDD
(i feel like im floating on the water in my boat after 12 hours of kayaking in the extreme wet & heat even when im sitting on my bed! omgz)

Will update about it soon! Chiong WR firstz! :P

So easy

2010-10-16T23:25:00.003+08:00

So easy for you to make me happy. So easy for you to hurt me. So easy for you to make me uneasy.

So easy for you to affect me, and i dont even know you.....

I'm so dead T__________________________________T

A mistake? Maybe i am

But I think you're a pretty sweet pill that I'm swallowing down

2010-10-13T22:56:00.003+08:00

G8, i just ruined my bro's life. Well not my biological bro that is.. Stories built on fear. Fear that something worse would happen. I guess, this is the worst that could happen. Cold warring with your better friends are the suckiest things that could happen just because things aren't cleared up. I should know better right?

It's partially my fault. I should've known that it was better to let ttttttt know. But how the heck should i know what's better right?

On a brighter note, there'll be the lighted end of this tunnel i know. However...........the ending of this story isn't gonna be any good.

Put me in ttttttt's shoes, this isn't a biggie at all. Why so upset?

VOW TO GO TO SCHOOL EVERYDAY! (even if it kills me)

Freakin' scared

2010-10-12T09:35:00.002+08:00

Hey guys! Promos are over!(well they were over for quite sometime) Been quite sleep deficient with friends coming over last minute to rot. Then lacking of sleep for PW as well. Roar!!!

If any of you guys are actually reading..................hi!!!and thanks for sticking with me(which i doubt anyone would LOL)

I'm quite satisfied with my life now. I've got my big bro in school, lil Joyce and likeminded Ian. Once poly holidays are over, i guess then will be the time i cry depressed!

Well, let's hope the results dont turn out tooooo badly. Yeah..

Exasperated

2010-09-23T01:22:00.000+08:00

When someone fails to detect your emotions, it becomes fucking annoying.

2010-09-23T00:36:00.002+08:00

Falling asleep to numb the fight within oneself. Temporary but effective.

Angry. Frustrated. Suffocated. Annoyed. Insecure. Fucked up.

2010-09-23T00:33:00.000+08:00

2010-09-23T00:06:00.001+08:00

Suffocated

Alexithymia

2010-09-22T23:53:00.004+08:00

Surrounded but lonely,

alone but secure..

then alone and lonely.

I miss the times when i could give my 10% and get 70% result

I miss the times when midnight studying meant 60% talk shit time

I'm frustrated but i dont know who to tell or even what to say.

Something's wrong, but i can't put these things in words

The different sights, smells, pains, feelings keep reminding me about the past

Why is it so difficult to move forward and detach myself?

Fucking nerd, fucking failure

IT'S BEEN SO LONG!

2010-09-13T18:52:00.003+08:00

Hey babies whoever who bother to come by this dusty place! *waves*

Yeah, my blog is -69870853439x boring than how it used to be, im sorry >:

Anyhow, cc asked this random question last night while we were trying to bore each other to sleep at 4am in the morning... "What are 10 things do you think you are good at?"

The first thing was "im good for nothing" and i really couldnt figure anything i was really good at besides wrecking up peoples' lives and being a large disappointment. Of course im also good at making tons of noise to irritate and wake people up! Well, i guess that has to account for something...

The thing is, i rememebered having this conversation somewhere with someone else...Tricia i guess? I remembered us thinking about life in general. Started imagining what if we were good at studying...good at inventing stuff...yadahyadah. And i realised, no one has actually activated my brain for a long time. Going to school, coming home, dry and merely going through the motion. Sheesh.

I think i'm being a full-fledged nerd. If i have nothing to do, i mug or play the guitar. This life is gradually becoming so bland. Sometimes i really dont see the point in studying so hard just to get that piece of paper. Yeah the oh-so-famous paper-chase.

What do i want in life? I really don't know. I haven't really found my purpose in life. What i know is that i wanna dance, i wanna play the guitar, i wanna encourage recycling in Singapore!!

And i also wanna find the right words to say at the right for the right people.

EXCITED FOR PROMOS TO BE OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! V^^V
But ironically want it to not start at all. DDDD:

Tag me! What's your purpose in life? And how did you find it?

My life-table

2010-08-22T22:59:00.002+08:00

This is for those who are still waiting for me to go out with them or even willing to stay in my social circle....
I'll be having Chemistry SPA(science practical assessment) tomorrow. Bio SPA on the next.
Written Report for my ProjectWork(which, mind you, is an Alevel subject) has to be handed in sometime next Friday.
Next would be promos, which begin on the 27th September.
It will last for 2 weeks? Then full swing for A level mother tongue paper in November and Oral Presentation for ProjectWork.
After all that is over, we'll be down for lessons to catch up on the next year's modules whilst struggling to prepare for our SRGCE (overseas trip).
Around 28th November, we'll be over at Sarawak for about a week. We'll have to prepare for our OGL(if i get to pass my promos-.-) camp and shiat. So the real holidays would start around December.

And not forgetting that i have my Alevels next year! SO~~~~~ looks like my next few months has already been planned out. Are you still willing to be my friend?

OH, AND I HAVE NOT FULLY RECOVERED. And i can't focus like this.

Please people, be considerate, do not make others sick. Thanks!

Chem SPA full marks uh!! :D

Baybeats

2010-08-21T16:09:00.002+08:00

Oh my god, i've been sick since Tuesday. It started with the sniffing and ended up with a stuffed nose, a headache, a few on-off fevers and a dry cough. The germs have spread all over in class and have so far infected Cheryl, JiaYee, HuiLin, Vanitha and me. I have no idea who started this but its certainly not frikin me!!! PLEASE DO EVERYONE A FAVOUR AND COME TO SCHOOL WHEN YOU'RE SICK. THANKS!!!!

Our pw group made a rap on youths in debt. Well it went ok until Mdm Ong told us the humour of the video engulfed the entire point of the show. Now we have to churn out another one!!! D: Oh well~~

Almost died on Friday thanks to the flu bug. Got chased home by odacians but ended up chatting with Dawn, Eugena and PeiXin for about an hour near the bridge.

Hate being sick. Being sick always reminds of that certain feeling you gave me. gouhrhvpirnoufgeiofh rubbish.

Anyway, don't people understand sick people hate to be irritated?!?! Stop asking me what i want to eat(that you bloody hell listed to me what i wanted wabiang) or whether i've seen the doctor in your mfking loud booming voice! If you really have to know can you at least lower down your bloody volume and talk to me?! Irritated to the max.

Going for baybeats in an hour. Shiat, how am i supposed to enjoy myself with this stupid illness that's been annoying me since this morning. I swear this sucks.

Cry

2010-08-11T22:33:00.002+08:00

I now understand why WanTing feels so sad when she does relatively okay for her papers.

It is when the amount of hardwork you put in doesn't tally with the marks you get.

First time in my life i studied so hard and got such relatively OKAY results.

It's okay. I'll fight to the death.

I hope WanTing doesn't cry anymore though.

Running from

2010-08-11T04:47:00.002+08:00

Why am i pushing the one who understands me the most in school away?

I want to push through all the low expectations of me. I want to succeed in my academics, for once. I'm not smart, I know. That's why i took all the effort to sit down and concentrate for some time almost everyday. The route i chose has me to adjust my habits. And that is what i wanted. Isn't it?

Chem & Bio SPA in a week.

Who cares if you are being maligned or backstabbed? Who cares if others spread nothing but bad rumours about you? Who cares if the one you cared about most doesnt give a shit about you? Who cares if whatever they have said about you wasn't true at all? They don't. So why should you huh Vanessa? It is difficult to stay angry for long..I really want to hate your fucking guts. But i can't. I can only rant about whatever that happened and then forget about it. I just really am disappointed by whatever that spews out of your mouth. Maybe one day i will stand up against you. However, i do not have the honour to gain extra time for me to do so yet.

Other than that, i'm sorry if i made it sound like i didnt care. I was...multitasking. You know you matter to me. I made the decision for the better of me. Selfish, but inevitable. There was no other choice involved.

Promos in 6 weeks. Make it happen, Vanessa. Other matters can wait. This can't. You are short of time.

I decided to bail on school for the last time today. It's 5am and i need sleep. I hope we remain friends. Because you are who i depend on for the days to come. Maybe you'll learn to hate me for now but it seems this friendship isn't going to end just yet.

I miss my friends i used to have fun with. Fun.

Shooting star

2010-08-10T23:14:00.002+08:00

With aching thighs, i pushed the left pedal down. I felt a bruise coming up at my bottom.

"Shit" i muttered inside my heart. A gust of wind blew against our direction and had my long sticky fringe sprawled all over my face. Swinging my head up towards the sky, i spotted something bright in the dark.

"EH, IS THAT A SHOOTING STAR?" i shouted as a white streak slided across the sea of black.

Everyone else saw it except Kelly :(

Night cycling (Y) Wai-Or-Gy HAHAHAHA!
I made a wish. That you'll be alright:)

2010-08-09T22:54:00.001+08:00

I don't want to sit around to finally get hit thinking that i'll never get you back. Because i will. I will do something for it.

Worried

2010-08-09T22:10:00.001+08:00

Don't back down. Never back down. You're a strong boy.

Be the hero of your story.

Take care, my dear friend

2010-08-07T20:32:00.001+08:00

I know you'll gather up the courage to live through this shadow:)

You can. You will.

The girl who cried sick

2010-08-03T12:03:00.005+08:00

I should seriously stop taking MCs. Do you know how it feels like to be genuinely sick and teachers actually question your degree of illness? How it feels like to feel so tired to the extent you want to cry while your teacher asks for the reason for me sleeping late the night before? FYI, i slept at 11plus on Sunday night cos i couldnt take it. And that is early. So trust me when i say im sick. I know it.

So anyway, she still sent me home the moment she saw me. I guess i really looked super duper cui.

Apparently i caught the flu virus. Ngeh. Sucks. Doctor says this infection will make me feel tired no matter how much i sleep. LOLOL. Bloody hell.

I need to consider. Then reconsider. Then think about thinking. First time the values from BSS are used. Metacognition.

Is this love?

2010-08-01T09:44:00.002+08:00

2 exact months to chinese Alevel paper and PW's OP. Busy like shiat. Chem lecture test on Monday. Meeting Mauren on Monday♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥!!! Star on Tuesday. Study everyday.

These things keep me busy. I miss talking crap with my mum. I miss us gossiping till no end over Mac at 3am in the morning on random Fridays.

I miss sleeping early though I'd rather stay on the phone with you:)

I hate it when it's neither here nor there. I hate it. I hate this. I hate me.

Hello helicopter, would you be my friend?

2010-07-30T09:57:00.005+08:00

Hey, im late for school today. All thanks to my powerful procrastination of my EOM. Great.

Felt a little bruised at my bottom left jaw this monring. Then, it suddenly occurred to me Hip elbowed my chin while we were playing basketball in school(w/ niggers Linus, XuanMing, YongJia, Tj and Hipppp). Hiack! Didn't know it would leave an effect-.- Dumb muscle.

Anyhoooooo, this whole week is madness. I've been skipping school lately due to waking up real late and shit. Mrs Choy asked me,

"Why huh, Vanessa why you never come for the last lecture?"
*rolls eyes for about 30seconds* "Oh, gastric"
"Ya and you must still think so long! Stop skipping school ah!"

Roarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. I must do better than this la. Fucked up habit of mine!!!!!

Ms Eng made my mum nag at me-.- She told my mum that my MC rate was at an all time high and I've been coming to school late and shiat. Blah blah blah.. So my mum was onto me on the latest Wednesday(meet-my-mother session)

"Vanessa, your rank points are 33 and you need 35 to pass and you need 70 to get to the university"
"I know, i tot i tell you already???"
"Yah, and you have been going late to school very often for the first semester and been taking tons of MCs!"
"I KNOW, I TOT I TELL YOU ALREADY???"
"Yah Vanessa you better do something about it!"
"I AM DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT, WHY ARE YOU SO NAGGY TODAY??"
"Your Ms Eng asked me to nag at you mah"
-.-'""""''''""

Nagging has no effect on me and my mum knows it. ACT CUTE ONLY NAH MY MUM. Stupid teacher. Useless naggings. -.-

Had a conference with Syahida & TanJuen a few days back. My two favourite people :D It was quite interesting to hear them talk heheheh. Really really loveddddddd. And become the last to wish Syahida Happy Birthday. I hope i didnt make you TOO sad throughout the day though!!!

Anyhow,

cheer up Hip. As what i quote from my friend Susanna, "People change so that you can learn to let go, you believe lies so you eventually start to trust no one but yourself and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall back together."

K, im going to school nao hehe

Pokez

2010-07-25T23:42:00.000+08:00

What do i mean to you?

Or rather,
what did i mean to you?

11:11

2010-07-24T11:12:00.007+08:00

Been seeing it almost everyday. Morning & night. Make a wish? Or someone misses me as Alson says?

Anyway....a few weeks ago, YuXian bought tickets for Jay's concert for meeee for todaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!! :( like one suaku i didnt know there were so many days for his concert!!!! Sorry la Shaun! ANYWAY, i had to forgo it because i have tuition at 7pm and my mum insist i go for it. W-E-M! (Whatever man)

Roar, sad over it for half an hour and got pretty hyped for tuition XD

Anyhooooo, I KNOW HOW TO PLAY BREAKEVEN VERSES ALREADY O GOSHHHHHHHHH :PPPPPPPP AND THE MOST BASIC CHORDS OF WONDERWALL!!! :DDDDDD URUQUAY, PROUD OF ME YET?? HAHAHAHAH

Hiack hiack hiack~
You're at the back of my mind now. I hope you dont reappear.

iWILLrun2010

2010-07-23T20:27:00.008+08:00

WILL run is the most interesting and meaningful thing i've done for the past year. For those who dont know, there is this annual run SRJC will hold where everyone has to run a minimum of 10km in 1hr 30min for the guys and 1 hr 45 min for the girls. And every 1km that you run, $1 will be given to charity(HCA hospice and the 100tree prog) Guess what,

VANESSA RAN 15KM TODAY! :DDDDD

and is running a fever currently hehehehe (like i say, my mind is stronger than my body).
Pun intended

Of course there are the crazy people~ Like Hip - 17km, HuiLin - 16km. I'd like to thank ZhongJie for pacing me from 8k onwards(he another crazy one, run super duper fast and can last damn long. he ran 11km before he started to pace me, ASS RIGHT!)

Thank Ms Charissa Lim for running with me 200m(can tell you aren't a great fan of running!) :DDDDD

AND TANJUEN(broken hands + braces HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA) FOR THE CAPO HAHAHAHAHAHA :D

Well, aren't you all proud of meeeeeeeeeee??? :DDD From this, i learnt, i can do anything as long as my mind says GO! :D And oh, the real WILL run date is next saturday(BUT IM HELPING OUTTTT, SO GO JOYCE GO!!!!) WILL Run 2010 will be held on Saturday 31 July beginning at 0730hrs at Serangoon Junior College. The Girls/Women’s category begins at 0730hrs followed by the Boys/Men’s category at 0930hrs.
Once again, we hope to clock 20, 014km– the distance between the North and South poles – in less than 5 hours through the combined efforts of staff, students and alumni.

And, i miss Mauren very much!

It's been awhileeee

2010-07-18T23:49:00.003+08:00

CRISPY MADCOW DELIGHT

ANYHOO, IM A HAPPY GIRL TONIGHT.

IT TAKES JUST SO LITTLE FOR ME TO BE HAPPY, BUT SO MUCHHHH TO MAKE ME FEEL LIKE CRYING.

IM A HAPPY AND GRATEFUL GIRL TONIGHT. AND THIS WEEK..I WILL NOT BE LATE:)

I LOVE MY FRIENDS♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

AND MY HAIR XD

www.similarminds.com

2010-07-18T09:34:00.003+08:00

WANT TO DO YOUR PERSONALITY TEST?
The Big Five is currently the most accepted personality model in the scientific community. The Big Five emerged from the work of multiple independent scientists/researchers starting in the 1950s who using different techniques obtained similar results. Those results were that there are five distinct personality traits/dimensions. Here are your results on each dimension:

Extroversion 81%
Orderliness 32%
Emotional Stability 75%
Accommodation 41%
Inquisitiveness 44%

Extroversion results were high which suggests you are overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense too often of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity.

Orderliness results were moderately low which suggests you are, at times, overly flexible, random, improvised, and fun seeking at the expense of structure, reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment.

Emotional Stability results were high which suggests you are very relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic.

Accommodation results were moderately low which suggests you are, at times, overly selfish, uncooperative, and difficult at the expense of the well being of others.

Inquisitiveness results were moderately low which suggests you are, at times, overly small minded, traditional, and conventional at the expense of intellectual curiousity, possibility, and progress.

Your Global5/SLOAN type is SCUEN
Your Primary type is Social

SCUEN
(2.9% of women; 3.2% of men)

not easily hurt, spends more time in group activities than solitary activities, comes alive at parties and in crowds, not very religious, would not want to give up drinking or smoking, not mystical, not big on science fiction, does not care if people think poorly of them, not very introspective, fits in most places, does not like to go days without speaking to people, likes change, trusting, not very intellectual, underachiever, not easily moved to tears, thrill seeker, does not like to compromise, not apologetic, avoids difficult reading material, relaxed most of the time, likes danger, not punctual, impatient, not upset by the misfortunes of strangers, believes in an eye for an eye, not detail oriented, uninterested in the needs of others, avoids responsibilities, not known for generosity, more dominant than submissive, likes crowds, aggressive, willing to take risks, not embarrassed easily, not passionate about improving the world, show off, socially comfortable, acts as they please, not bothered by disorder

In short, i'm like a damn boy-.-

Social
(16.1% of women; 11.5% of men)

more verbal than non verbal, spends more time in group activities than solitary activities, does not like to go long without speaking to anyone, loves night life activities and crowds, competes for the spotlight, fits in most places, trusting, self expressive, not the best listener, action oriented, if they had to live their life over again they would not change much, dresses to stand out, seductive, very sexual, does not fear getting involved with others, female extroverts like tight fitting clothing, have more desire than fear, enjoys leadership, brutally honest, more random than controlled, impulsive, optimistic, motivated, wants to be famous, exhibitionist tendencies

I'm a weird bitch who dreams about being successful but never becomes.

Change. Time to be punctual.

I know i always say that but it wears off. I'll make sure, that being on time, will be one of my best points.

Explain your answer

2010-07-18T02:40:00.003+08:00

Why can't you see i'm doing this the hard way because you wanted it to be like this?

You are an avoider. Both of you are avoiders. I feel suffocated when i avoid problems like this. You never even said goodbye when you started this entire cold war going on. Or mention anything.

Tell me. Tell me now, what is this about?

Read this and realise that all the while i have missed you so bad.

I laugh, breathe, jump, feel tired & laugh even
more. Is this about me? Or another girl you're talking about? Because if you put
that as your status update, i guess avoiding each other is a complete fucking
waste of time. And hurting each other becomes absolutely
unnecessary.

Cry

2010-07-18T02:07:00.003+08:00

I really hate running away from people/situations/things/responsibility.

I really hate running away in general.

I'd rather stand and fight my way through if i could. But i wouldnt. Because i would hurt you. And hurting you sucks.

What sucks even more? Getting hurt by not hurting you and you dont even know or give a damn.

I hate having to avoid the people i hold close to my heart.

Broader perspectives

2010-07-17T17:20:00.002+08:00

BE GRATEFUL

Giving dignity to everything around us means to give everythng an unconditional opportunity to be beautiful in our eyes.

Rush

2010-07-17T16:42:00.002+08:00

Everyday is a rush. Yet everyday is a blessing. A chance for us to propel forward in whatever we do. The time for us to express what we want, do what we feel is of utmost importance to us.

This week was all about getting your work in on time & learning more by asking your friends questions. Even as much as your friends say "SO EASY, YOU DUNNO HOW TO DO MEH?" you still continue to ask. Because even though you may feel defeated and that you feeling stupid maybe major at the current, but you have learnt something that makes you more knowledgable and will be worthwhile. Getting hurt for that 2minutes every question will seem like the size of a minion after you get into the uni. Why do you want to keep your ego? Egos can't be eaten.

And i accepted more people into my life willingly this week:) And i think i'm getting the hang of doing chemistry!! :P

The talk Tj & i had last night showed me that it doesn't matter how long you have known a person, as long as you can click, there won't be any awkwardness between you two even at the most sensitive topics. And i'm glad i didn't try to correct it myself. Lucky we cleared up some air. :DD

(And that first impressions are truly important!!! LOLOLOL)

Yellow jelly yoooooo~~

2010-07-11T20:36:00.005+08:00

i want to see you, but i hope i dont so that
i wouldnt strangle you with my hugs & finally realise,
you dont love me like you did.

i bloody hell miss you.

AND FUCK NO, IM NOT TALKING ABOUT MY DAMN EX -.-

MountainFest'10

2010-07-11T12:03:00.003+08:00

Mountain biking in Tampines was super embarrasing! I fell into potholes and ran up a rocky hill up with YunXun laughing like how Spongebob & Patrick would laugh when they were catching jellyfish. The whole trip was made extremely enjoyable with Mark & YunXun chionging here & there :P Laughing & cheering for no damn reason in the dumb secluded woods with occasional bikers zooming through.

Then we headed down for...

RockFest, the student run programme was spilt into two sections. First was the acoustic & the second portion was the rock part. There were songs like Three Cheers For Five Years, Innocence, Fireflies(Georgia was really good), one of Anusha's favourite song, which i can't remember now.

And then for the rock part, there was THE TAKE OVER, THE BREAK'S OVER OMYGOD. THAT'S WHAT MADE MY DAY LA :D~!!!!!!! :DDDD And of course the sameo same-o Human, Viva La Vida, bla bla bla. But they also played songs that were questionable like Apologoise & You Belong With Me (LOLOLOLOL) Hip went all "hello rock songs please" HAHAHAHHAA! Ain laughed like mad after that. Clarice(good job good job) sang My Life Would Suck Without You. OH OH THERE WAS THIS ONE GUY WHO WAS REALLY GOOD!!! HE SANG THE MAN WHO CAN'T BE MOVED. HE WAS REALLY OFF THE HOOK. OMG.
So Friday night was spent rocking out and trying to avoid odorous mosh pits with soccer guys in them hehehehe. V^^V Special thanks to Hip for "chopping" ticket for me. MUAHAHAHAHAHA

SERIOUSLY

2010-07-10T20:03:00.001+08:00

(Y)

_l_

stupidvamps-.-

2010-07-10T10:18:00.004+08:00

GOING TO WATCH DESPICABLE(YAAAAAY) &
ECLIPSE(EEEEE) WITH CHINNY NOW :DDDDD

Two movies in a day! O gosh!

I hate you being all serious...makes me feel so uncertain. Hip says i've been giving false hope. Wee says it's not my fault. Know what? I'm just gonna give out the right signals this time round no matter how fucked up this situation is.

I wouldnt want it to end up like how.......yellow jelly & i are T_T

Stupid shit. Couples or nothing?! Seriously, grow up.

Elsie Fisher!

2010-07-07T19:52:00.000+08:00

WATCH AND LAUGHHHHHH! CHEER UP K ^^

Miss

2010-07-06T19:36:00.005+08:00

Miss the way you call me "nessa" when on the comp, but "vaness" when you call me face to face

Yeah, i know i shouldnt be typing this. Bear with me. I cant forget important people easily.

My brother is watching "Up" and all i can think about is how excited you were when you told me it was the first time you were watching a cartoon movie.

No, im not trying to gain sympathy. I like to think nobody reads this space anymore.

I put my thoughts here. If you think im trying to be funny, then i guess you forgot how much i hate hypocrites and that i chose not to be and be with one.

These memories have to go

2010-07-05T18:51:00.004+08:00

I miss how my heart bursts in warmth when you pat my head

Nicholina: "do you have any chinese baby baby baby no...?"

2010-07-05T18:38:00.002+08:00

bieberblast

You're gone

2010-07-05T01:53:00.001+08:00

Bb uh bb

2010-07-02T23:19:00.002+08:00

EH WTF, MY SISTER IS SINGING BABY BABY BABY OH,
BABY BABY BABY NOOOOOOO

Helppppp meeeeeeee T_____T

Shu Ting!

2010-07-02T23:10:00.003+08:00

TO MY FRIEND IN AUSTRALIA, HAVE FUN :D And dont laugh at me for staying in this sucky Singapore education system :B

It's been a week plus

2010-07-02T19:30:00.005+08:00

since i last saw youuuuuu

*uncontrollable nodding of head*
*sudden realisation you're in a lecture*
*looks up*
*wriggles uncomfortably in seat*
*bell rings*
*rush to next tutorial/lecture*
(cycle repeats at least 5-6 times a day)

YESSSSSSSSS, I have overcomed one week of jc & it feels like i have gone through hell 5 times through *moooooaaaaannnn* Tj has shown me im not the only nerd in school!!!

I miss the times in secondary school when we will congregate in canteen
& sit in one gigantic group & eat lunch!! I LOVE THE TIMES WHEN WE WOULD
SING BIRTHDAY SONGS REALLY REALLY LOUDLY & PRETEND WE OWNED THE AREA XD
And i miss the netball trainings we used to have in primary school. & the
baskbetball days with Yfang, Sam, Alan, Wliang & all. All the block catching
was (L)

Rockfest is next Friday! There's mountain biking on the same day!! How to go like this?! Xue te.
Will be going to another part of Malaysia & maybe HONGKONG WITH ODAC NEXT YEAR for hiking!!! :D

K, enjoy my song :D I'm going to do my articlesearching now :D

Wo xuan ze fang qi ni

2010-07-01T21:28:00.003+08:00

Hai ni hao. Have been cuaght up with school. Wont be updating this space with my emoness anymore. Muahaha. Just to update the people who are still interested if im still alive.....i'll be taking my chinese alevel oral soon. Sigh. I really miss the times when ShuTing & i will stroll in late & complain about how torturous the lesson was after that. Speaking of which..i wonder how's ShuTing nowwwww. Hehehehe maybe look like half chinese half angmoh :DDD Or got some damn hot boyfriend XD

I rmbrd i wanted to blog something really exciting. But i forgot-.- OH! I whited out yesterday during training-.- Like for at least 3 minutes i could see shit. Everything was so blur and in threes. What the heck. Yesterday 5k, today 5k, tomorrow i think another 5k. TGIFT(tomorrow)!!! HEHEHE.

Chatted with Anusha at the door after the Sarawak meeting today. SHE IMPROVED TREMENDOUSLY! :D Okay, she just gave me motivation ^^ Talking to bendemeerians kinda made me feel at home again. Feeling very uneasy these few days.. I think something bad's brewing up zzzzz! Hate school! Really!

Been playing with my siblings very much lately. Hehe, nice warm feeling when they come to the door to hug you. :D Ok na...
nerd mode :D

Wo bu neng gei ni que ding de wei lai

Cheerios for you to cheer you up!

2010-06-29T14:56:00.005+08:00

My facebook account is in Varsha's possession!! I have Shini's! :DDDD Ngehhhh, finally can get to do my por-jeck work eom now. :D Added you back instead of waiting for you to add me back LOLOLOL! Feel so stupid now. Dont even know if you accepted friend requesttttttttttttt

Dreams~ Ri you suo si, ye you suo meng. I dreamt you held my hand while you dragged me to the cereal corner giggling at the weirdest things ever :DDD

Didnt attend school yet again. Been have gastric problems since forever(%#&*^*)

Wee says people should think what they want & only think what they want. Time to let go. Ok, im off to think of methods to prevent people from overspending on credit :P

Going, going, gone

2010-06-28T19:52:00.004+08:00

And so i finally had some closure with a very close friend of mine:)

Been feeling so emooooo. Thank God for your smiley face.

Homie says im just having major Monday blues. I really appreciate that she still bothers to reply my messages even when im terrible at replying messages. Thank you luvvvvv.

Been ranting to Joyce about some guy(big big big biggie) the whole day... She thinks im mad & that we should go home early everyday to study so we can pass our promos & go to Sarawak together.

I'm waiting for the School Portal to load to do my System of Linear Equations AKA Matrices. What a long name for something so basic. And the portal is taking it's own sweet time to load!!

I'm also waiting for the time to message Varsha my facebook acc. details so she can change my password & i dont have the authority to use it anymore hahahaha! I have control over Shini's!! It was their idea! They're really cute to think of something like this :DD

I'm also waiting for time to make everything right again for me. I really screwed up big time when i just turned 17. People become irritated & annoyed with me. Thank God there are still people like Wee, Kelly, Homie, AhDiZen, Alson who are willing to pause a moment for me to rant heheheh.

Ok, back to nerd mode B)

Syj ah syj-.- Why i so loousy?!

Last thought of the day

2010-06-27T23:41:00.002+08:00

I stalk your page at least 20 times a day-.-

Ok, time to die. Bye life, hi school.

(do you know all the while.....this whole space could belong to you?)

Read this then,

2010-06-27T15:21:00.002+08:00

I.
Fucking.
Miss.
You.

But please, dont miss me.

You'll be on my mind for sometime

2010-06-26T16:47:00.002+08:00

I saw my GP essay. Thank you very much. If you're still reading....

Open your eyes and see, you're better off without me.

We The JC Kings!

2010-06-26T16:05:00.004+08:00

And so, i spent 5 hours at Siewp's wonder rooftop doing chem & maths (Y) + a total of 2 hours watching Driving Miss Foodie & cooking mee goreng for breakfast. We didnt watch the sunrise in the end beause we were all half dead. Or rather, i was sleeping. HAHAHAHA. I'm so darn tired nao :(

We Jay-ed the whole night!!! Sang Chao Ren Bu Hui Fei, Hao Jiu Bu Jian, Gui Ji, Hui Dao Guo Qu, Qing Tian etc etc etc!
& there was this Zen Me Ban or Wei Shen Me song playing in the radio HAHAHAHAHA!!!

Okay, i felt accomplished last night! And i was the first to ever stayover at her place!!!! :D Happayeeeee!!

Oh, my brother's been sent to childcare so i'll be alone at home until 5pm at least! So if you guys wanna ransack my place, anytime ok? :D Mwahahahaha

Need to buck up like a limp piece of oily bacon!!! Going to do meiosis & mitosis nao laaaaa.

Haikail! How to hammer o.o like... 0h2~ Doesnt sound right!!!

ZHOU JIE LUN ZHOU JIE LUN ZHOU JIE LUN :DDD

(Yeah i miss you, but i made up my mind with lipstick HAHAHAH. Guess i'll just wait till the day you add me back & we'll see how it goes? I dont wanna hurt you anymoreeeeee)

Kao di yi ge gan jue!

2010-06-24T14:41:00.003+08:00

OMG,QING TIAN ONLY HAS 4 CHORDS!!! HAPPY LIKE SHIT :D

Should've listened to GuanWee & Kelly that time. Now i shall learn & listen to GuanWee.
KAO DI YI GE GAN JUE!

K, i should move on. Even as much as i miss you right now!! :/ Hope no one told you for me to cost you another heartbreak.

ZJL can only remind me of.......nananananana.

If anyone is reading...

2010-06-23T03:54:00.002+08:00

Be a friend. Tell me, what have i done wrong & what do you want me to do to make it right again?

Alternatively, you can just tell me what have i done wrong..

Dont tell me what to think just because you think what you think is right.
I still respect you as a person, dont take it for granted.

I'm fine:)

2010-06-23T00:23:00.001+08:00

To: Anyone out there
Message: Teach me how to multitask! Sing & play at the same time!! :(

I decided to...

2010-06-22T21:20:00.003+08:00

walk away from everything i have left

Why is it that when people grow older, they become more mum on the problems they have between others?

Gotta find some-fucking-one who i can fucking trust

I'm just the girl who messed it up again.

2010-06-22T01:26:00.004+08:00

Nervous, afraid, drawn, can't fall asleep.

Empty.

I began to like you.

Then.......i had second thoughts.

You drifted away.

You figured i gave you high hopes.

I hoped you'd meet me again.

You've been on my mind.

Wedding Dress

2010-06-20T18:16:00.003+08:00

OMFG, I KNOW HOW TO PLAY OFFICIALLY MISSING YOU ALREADYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :DDDDDDDDDDD HAPPINESS~~~~~~~~

OMGGGG!!! NEXT SONG....BIG GIRLS DONT CRY!!!!!!!!!!!! For Homie! :D
I think i will look for summer and play it for you :P

Going to meet ShiWei now :D OMFG, HAPPYMOSQUITO~

THIS IS MY EMO SPACE

2010-06-20T16:24:00.004+08:00

Fucking fleas remind me of you.

So do balloons, east coast park, kites, grass, flat sony ericsson phone, flat sony ericsson phone in the toilet which you still used anyway, cows, roten vrains, spongebob nose whistle & crows, friendster, band, meerkats, ping pong balls, flour, the zoo, my sister, my mum(who says i should be as nice as you-.-), macdonalds & geography, horribly mismatched clothes, flower prints, laugh, fun, christmas overnight sushi rolls, hugs.......

and so many fucking things.

How have we been reduced to this?

Fucking fleas still remind me of you. And i can never forget your old handphone number.

I suck at forgetting such stuff.

Do you even remember?

Truth

2010-06-18T14:55:00.003+08:00

Hey toothpaste,
I want to know everything. Why are you telling other people more stuff than you should be telling me? Give me a chance & answer my questions when i ask them will you? Doesn't anything we've been though stand? I can live without you, but i really choose not to. I'm not close to anyone close to you right now but it doesnt even matter. C'mon, you know this situation aint going away on it's own. I'll be stubborn(just like how you hate me to be) & make us right again.

Dear bitch,
You delete me, you change your status to attempt to piss me off & add me back. And when i refuse to get pissed off, you block me. I really can't believe this is/was you. What's up with all this bullshit. What the hell did i do to you recently?

Going to sentosa soon right after Shermine's interview ends & RP's school curriculum ends :D

I hope it isn't all plastic today.

Been trying to play Drops of Jupiter the past few days. Fingers are attracted to the strings<3 color="#ff6666" size="5">Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star~

TELL ME,

2010-06-18T00:26:00.003+08:00

WHY ARE YOU SO MUTHAFUCKING CHILDISH?

Take the issue & put it infront of us rather than you make so much effort to avoid me like this. Can't believe i thought i knew you.

어떻게?!

2010-06-07T06:49:00.002+08:00

Time check: 6.53AM

I've been awake since 5.10pm. Whattheheck. Have been going through my work after i reached home.

Went out with Hates today :DD I owe him big time thanks to his secret. HAHAHAHA, FRICKIN FUNNY SHIT :D Met Kelly today too!!! *ultra huggggs* And guess who i saw?! :D

Tricia & Christmin!!

Cool shiat, havent seen them since......nah i also dunno LOL

I miss Thaddeus & SinYuan's singing~~~~~~~~~~~

Okay bye :DDDDD I JUST REALISED..............i need to go to school tomorrow-.-

WELLS OF LUCK FOR THOSE WHO HAVE EXAMS & WHOEVER WHO READS THIS SPACE :PPPPPP

Hehehe, feels like a private blog~~~~ iLikeeeee

Contemplating~

2010-06-06T00:05:00.002+08:00

Should I fly away for a holiday this June? :D

IT WILL ONLY BE A WEEK!!! :PpPpP It's a colddddddd country~~~~that i've been to only a handful of times!

I drove a car there! :DDDD

SO SHOULD I GO OR NOT GO?! :DDDDDDD

Mess up my bed with me

2010-06-04T02:08:00.003+08:00

More on action, less about the words.

Do not forget come daylight

Please, go ahead.

2010-05-30T15:37:00.004+08:00

:) Please do.

Never knew I would be this calm...

I'll be away. Look for me if you must. I'll be there if you need me. If not, I'll just stay in my lil corner.

I'm not stupid, do take care :)

See you in 2012 bitch! ^^V

Let's just hope you havent said anything~

Listen!

2010-05-28T14:33:00.004+08:00

If getting drunk can get you to talk to me, maybe i would. I know you hate me drinking, but i was in an extremely unstable emotional state then. Can't you just tell me why the heck are you angry with me???
Kelly's mum reminded me of this piece of advice i would dish out to others, do whatever that makes you happy but dont hurt others or yourself during the period. Thanks :B

Anyway, i had an awesome week swimming & at the chalet with Thad & Kel :DDDD And at least I think ChunHei's not angry at me(well...at least i hope)

Guess i can never be the person that everyone would like, but i know i try to be the best person i can be. And am still learning. I know i dont have a lot patience and is very insecure most of the time, but i am trying to get better. I may not be as entertaining as before and cheer anyone up easily, but i know i will be there when you need me.

I will also learn how to fend myself from all the hypocrites around me:) And not burst out in anger while you irritate me in anyway. Take my best friend, say bad stuff about me, laugh at me, you will not bring me down!

Oh! Thank you Joyce for overcoming your paisehness to come swim with me & Thad & Thad's friends on Thursday! :D Hoorraye~

Toothpaste/toothbrush it dont matter

2010-05-22T17:57:00.003+08:00

I miss my secondary school friends :(

Even as for now, i can only picture us, and nobody else, flying kites

You were the only one whom i would crack my brains for an idea just to suprise you on your birthday

It's like..........an unromantic relationship. You could twist my emotions so darn easily

I miss you very much
When will this revert back to normal?

I will never forget how your blog started out. It started with forgiveness.